Why does it hurt so much?

Have you experienced the loss of a loved one? Wept in the agony of a life taken away? Agonized over the chasm between Heaven and Earth through which we may not reach except through prayer to God who oversees it? Perhaps you’ve even blamed God for keeping careful watch over the one you so regret losing to the separation of death. The Giver of Life is not the one who steals, kills and destroys (John 10:10), but our Maker has appointed the way of things, and for each of us to die at some point (Hebrews 9:27). If we are careful to learn the lesson of our pain, we find that it is separation that hurts us. Even in the case of those we mourn whose hope of Heaven is assured, we wince and wail at the thought that our prized one is there and not here. Our certainty of their happiness in Heaven only partly assuages the grief that results from our selfish nature. We want them to be where we can see, touch, and hear them. Pain is not without purpose; it serves to direct our attention to some real need. So to what is the pain of our bereavement directing our awareness? The Father has long been bereaved of union with His created children, and the agony of this estrangement would be an alien emotion to mortal man were it not for the occasional parting of our fellows or family members. Every instance of mortality serves as a reminder that we are not where we belong, and that our home is in the presence of the Father.

“The wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). Sin is separation, a falling away from God. The contract of Eden was that when Man ate of the forbidden fruit they would surely die (Genesis 3:3). Man rebelled against the one law of Eden’s covenant and was removed from God’s presence, a separation our selfish nature tends to make us forget. The consequence of sin is death – the inescapable result of choosing separation from God was we got our wish. Now, physically separated from God, our souls’ reunion with Him comes at the cost of separation with mortal (literally “death-sentenced”) men. So we who are left behind endure a deep longing for nearness to the one we have lost – to remind us of the deep longing the One who has lost us has had from the beginning. 

Thankfully, God has not left us to suffer without cause or without benefit. As we come to recognize the great empty chasm between us and God, we find ourselves drawn to the remedy for it. The awareness of our predicament comes by the Spirit of the One who bridged the gap by His own sacrifice. The common thread between Eden’s Covenant, the Mosaic Covenant (the Law and the Ten Commandments), and the New Covenant (the Gospel of Jesus Christ) is that sin requires a death (Hebrews 9:22). It is by no accident or miscalculation that we all feel unworthy to come to God; none of us is. But the unattainable price of our sin-bounty was paid by the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, God Himself in human form (Romans 3:25). 

The lie Eve and Adam bought was that this life is all there is – that “you shall not surely die” (Genesis 3:4) was their reality. We, as their descendants, risk believing that same lie when we live as though this temporary separation is all there is. When we fail to recognize that Earth is a nursery, training academy, and proving ground for what we will become, and embrace it as though our existence will not go on beyond this world, we stand in pre-sentenced judgment and are granted our wish – eternal destruction. But if the pain of our separation serves its purpose, and makes us long for home enough to lean into it even now; if we more than just believe in Christ but believe on Him enough to live out that faith (John 3:18), we have the assurance that we are among His beloved children (Ephesians 5:1), and He will never really leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

Our tie to the eternal realm from Earth is prayer (Psalm 102:17, Revelation 8:4). God’s people communicate with Him, and He with them, through prayer. It is as simple as talking to a friend. Won’t you reach across the great divide with the one tool we have to do so, and end the separation that so grieves the heart of God, our loving Father? When you do, you may find that you become the answer to the question, “Why does it hurt so much?”

See also: The Death of a Friend: Permission to Weep