A psychologist buddy of mine is fond of saying that anger is a disguise for other feelings: hurt, fear and helplessness. Furthermore, he lectures, each of these feelings that lead to expressions of anger are based in our primal self-centered nature.
"Hurt" refers to the physical, emotional or spiritual pain one might experience. Hurt is summed up by the phrase, "I am in pain." The fear that leads to expressions of anger is the fear of losing what one has or not getting what one wants. It is the primary fear we learned in the crib, and it was usually reinforced when Mother brought us that thing for which we screamed. Helplessness is the feeling of our inability to affect change, and can be summed up in the phrase, "I am powerless."
These three emotions are almost always based on either shame or guilt, two different but similar psychological concepts. Shame relates to self-worth, and is characterized by the sentiment, "I don't measure up." Guilt, on the other hand, has to do with the application of the standards of right and wrong to one's behavior. It is the self-assessment of, "I have done wrong."
As I listened to my friend's lecture on this subject, I couldn't help but test his theories by examining on my own tendencies toward expressions of anger. Not only did I find these concepts to be true, I was immediately stricken by the observation that every one of these emotions is unnecessary in the life of one who has been washed in the blood of Jesus Christ!
Shame, the feeling of worthlessness, should be completely annulled by the kinship we have with the Creator. Because Jesus redeemed us and paid the debt our sin required, we are his relative. As purchased children of the Most High, we have no reason to find ourselves in any way worthless. Guilt, likewise, has been atoned for by the grace of Jesus' sacrifice. "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus ." (Romans 8:1 ) Hurt, fear and helplessness, the three emotional responses to shame and guilt, have no place in the life of a Christian because at the root of each of them is the idolatry of selfishness. "I am in pain," "I want," and "I am powerless," all have one thing in common: they have self on the throne where Christ should be.
Disappointment only comes when expectations are not realized. When we build up false expectations with ourselves at the center, we are bound to be disappointed. But when the Lord is seated on the throne of our lives, and self is routinely kept in its place, everlasting joy is possible. Jesus said, " If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." ( Luke 9:23)
Consider God's response to Job when he dared to presume he did not deserve affliction. God's response in Job chapters 38-41 was basically, "Who do you think you are?" (paraphrase mine) When we find ourselves in pain, we should, as Paul put it in Romans 5, "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us… " When we feel afraid, we should remember the words of Jesus, "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell ." (Matthew 10:28 ) When we feel helpless, we are called to follow the example of Paul, and delight in our weakness. " But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ( 2 Corinthians 12:9-10) In order to defeat anger and the bitterness that can result from it, we must break the habit of self-absorption. When we can truly put self on the cross, and offer ourselves as living sacrifices ( Romans 12:1-3), we free our spirits to walk in real joy with the Way, the Truth and the Life.
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